Sunday, September 18, 2011

The Verdict

Well after fighting and begging and dragging poor W to countless doctors and therapists, we finally have a diagnosis. Autism. Isn't his what I wanted? For someone to see what I see and label it so I can get him help? Yes and No. It is so hard to explain. I have known for years that there is a problem, a big problem. I have also spent years trying to get someone, anyone, to see what I see. To spend a little time with W, he is a delight. He is chatty and quirky and funny. So many have told me I am crazy and that he is fine, but he is so not fine. He has many struggles that no one sees but Wade and I. Believe me I would have given my right arm for him to be fine and just quirky.

On the one hand, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. The weight of trying to find acknowledgement of a problem and the proper testing. There is something seriously wrong with our system if a parent has to struggle so to get her/his child help and the insane cost of therapy is robbery.

On the other hand, I feel like we have opened a can of worms, so to speak, and it is all just beginning for W. I know he is high functioning and believe me I am so grateful for that and I know that there are children so much worse off but that does not lesson our pain of having a special needs child. We all want our kids to be perfect without a care in the world, right??

So I type this uncharacteristically serious post to say that I have my diagnosis for W, FINALLY, and it does not provide me with as much closure as I had hoped. It has left me sort of empty and sad for a bit. It was much harder to hear than I anticipated even though I knew in my heart what they were going to say. BUT---- I will remember where sweet W started and how far he has come and how strong he is. His fortitude will see him thru and he will be fine. He will continue to plug along in therapy and school and amaze us all and who knows? He may become the next Bill Gates!!