The Verdict

Well after fighting and begging and dragging poor W to countless doctors and therapists, we finally have a diagnosis. Autism. Isn't his what I wanted? For someone to see what I see and label it so I can get him help? Yes and No. It is so hard to explain. I have known for years that there is a problem, a big problem. I have also spent years trying to get someone, anyone, to see what I see. To spend a little time with W, he is a delight. He is chatty and quirky and funny. So many have told me I am crazy and that he is fine, but he is so not fine. He has many struggles that no one sees but Wade and I. Believe me I would have given my right arm for him to be fine and just quirky.

On the one hand, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. The weight of trying to find acknowledgement of a problem and the proper testing. There is something seriously wrong with our system if a parent has to struggle so to get her/his child help and the insane cost of therapy is robbery.

On the other hand, I feel like we have opened a can of worms, so to speak, and it is all just beginning for W. I know he is high functioning and believe me I am so grateful for that and I know that there are children so much worse off but that does not lesson our pain of having a special needs child. We all want our kids to be perfect without a care in the world, right??

So I type this uncharacteristically serious post to say that I have my diagnosis for W, FINALLY, and it does not provide me with as much closure as I had hoped. It has left me sort of empty and sad for a bit. It was much harder to hear than I anticipated even though I knew in my heart what they were going to say. BUT---- I will remember where sweet W started and how far he has come and how strong he is. His fortitude will see him thru and he will be fine. He will continue to plug along in therapy and school and amaze us all and who knows? He may become the next Bill Gates!!

Visit with the "Talking Doctor"

This is what W calls the doctors in the neurological field. We had our first visit with the new shrink yesterday morning. The last psychologist we had took a very keen interest in trying to council me instead of W. She would ask that I come by myself and not even bring W! She would suggest idiotic things that told me instantly that she did not have children. She would say, “I want you to go into your room each day for 30 minutes and lock the door and read or meditate to regroup.” Lady are YOU crazy??? Do you know what W could do in 30 minutes a day of unsupervised play??? She did not seem to grasp that there is no one but me to take care of W. I don’t have people sitting around so I can “meditate”. Get real lady. W could get to Bessemer in 30 minutes if I did not watch his every move. He would be out that door like a shot in spite of the chain locks I have at the top of every door! Like an idiot I did this a few times and realized that she and I would never be on the same page. I left there each time feeling like a whipped pup.

Anywho, this doctor seemed very nice and interested in providing W some coping skills for his anxiety. There was probably a big red circle on my chart that said, “Look out! Bitchy mother with this one!!” But I don’t care as long as they help W.

W performed his quirks and squirms like a pro, hanging upside down off of the couch while we talked and interrupting the doctor every two minutes with concern that there were toys inside the play garage that clearly did not belong there and where do they go and who did this-let’s string them up on the line for putting the toys away improperly!!! When she asked W questions, he promptly went into W World and pretended not to hear her. So she got a pretty good idea about what we are dealing with.

All in all as good visit I think. We start therapy next Tuesday. She will either work wonders for him or he will irritate the hell out of her. -Time will tell!